Why?

Tonight I have found myself in my messy room, at 12am, asking 'why?'. Again.
J confessed to me that he found himself 'very attracted to me', after breaking up with me and completely destroying me a year ago this month. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, 'You don't want to be with him, he is a dick, and you can do better than him, and you're worth more'

But, it's been a year, and I haven't. Maybe it's just timing, or maybe I haven't allowed myself to find someone else, but Either way, I haven't.

Why now? In a few drunken text messages after Tropfest on City Rail? How is that worth it?

watch it! It's not a fucking can of tomaaytos!

Once and for all shut up and let me tell you what I need to say

i don’t know why,
 but every now and then in my life 
for no reason at all 
I need you.

So just go. So I can learn to live without you. Because all I've been doing is learning to live with you, and it doesn't go away. Neither do you

Great words

i was afraid that if i allowed him to let go of me that i would never be held like it again. i’m afraid that i will never find another person who fits with me as well as you.

Lessons Of The Week

What I Learnt This Week

1. Sometimes life fucks you over. Yeah, sometimes it does. Mostly, it fucks you over when you are least expecting the dreaded fuck over. And mostly, all the fuck-overs occur within a week of eachother. Just in case you were trying to hang on, its just a little message to let you know that you should let go.

2. Coldplay is great for crying to. (No explaination required.)

3. You have to say what you need to say. Life is too short not to. People's boyfriends die and other people get eating disorders and other people get fucked over by life (as mentioned above) and not for one second are these people regretting saying what they needed to say. They know where they stand and who they love. Why shouldn't we?

4. Get over it. Sometimes you fall in love and you're the only one in the well. You're gonna have to climb out sometime, and you're gonna have to do it yourself. Why not now?

5. Your family are the people you call. Think about the people you would first call if you got a job, won the lottery, fell in love, lost your arm or killed a person. Those people are the people you need, the people you love. They are your family. If they happen to be your biological relations-handy! If not, get out of denial and embrace it.


Just had the worst day ever and have just learnt how to deal...Hope this helped.

I know I probably love you all, but I just don't feel it right now, sorry, and I'll say it anyway

All my Love

losses for gain's sake

I've decided to give up alcohol. Its not something that HASNT been spurred from a traumatic event, but id rather not have one to talk about.

which is worse, Almost kissing and wanting to or kissing and regretting it?

Sorry, not much to report. School's back tomorrow grrrr

peace

Signore Scorsese

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt (2011) (announced)
Sinatra (2011) (announced)
Silence (2011) (pre-production)
Untitled George Harrison Documentary (2010) (post-production)
Shutter Island (2010)
"Boardwalk Empire" (1 episode, 2009) - Pilot (2009) TV episode
Shine a Light (2008) ... aka Shine a Light: The IMAX Experience (USA: IMAX version)
The Key to Reserva (2007) ... aka La clave Reserva (Spain)
The Departed (2006)
No Direction Home: Bob Dylan (2005) ... aka Bob Dylan: No Direction Home (Australia)
The Aviator (2004) ... aka Aviator (Germany)
Lady by the Sea: The Statue of Liberty (2004) (TV)
Michael Jackson: Number Ones (2003) (V) (video "Bad")
"The Blues" (1 episode, 2003) - Feel Like Going Home (2003) TV episode
Gangs of New York (2002)
The Concert for New York City (2001) (TV) (segment "The Neighborhood")
Bringing Out the Dead (1999)
Il mio viaggio in Italia (1999) ... aka My Voyage to Italy (USA)
Kundun (1997)
Casino (1995) ... aka Casino (France)
Michael Jackson: Video Greatest Hits - HIStory (1995) (V) (video "Bad")
A Personal Journey with Martin Scorsese Through American Movies (1995) (TV)
The Age of Innocence (1993)
Cape Fear (1991)
Goodfellas (1990) ... aka GoodFellas (USA: promotional title (video box title) (poster title))
Made in Milan (1990)
New York Stories (1989) (segment "Life Lessons")
The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)
Location Production Footage: The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) (V)
Bad (1987) (V)
The Color of Money (1986)
"Amazing Stories" (1 episode, 1986)... aka Steven Spielberg Presents Amazing Stories (Australia) ... aka Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories (USA: complete title) - Mirror, Mirror (1986) TV episode
After Hours (1985)
The King of Comedy (1982)
Raging Bull (1980)
American Boy: A Profile of: Steven Prince (1978) ... aka American Boy
The Last Waltz (1978)
New York, New York (1977)
Taxi Driver (1976)
Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1974)
Italianamerican (1974)
Mean Streets (1973)
Boxcar Bertha (1972)
Street Scenes (1970) ... aka Street Scenes 1970 (USA: alternative title)
I Call First (1967) ... aka J.R. (USA: reissue title) ... aka Who's That Knocking at My Door (USA: new title (longer version))
The Big Shave (1967) ... aka The Big Shave... or, Viet '67
It's Not Just You, Murray! (1964)
What's a Nice Girl Like You Doing in a Place Like This? (1963)
Vesuvius VI (1959)

the best breakup song (wish I'd had it a year ago)

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right


It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

It don't matter, anyhow

An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

If you don't know by now

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn

Look out your window and I'll be gone

You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on

Don't think twice, it's all right



It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe

That light I never knowed

An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe

I'm on the dark side of the road

Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say

To try and make me change my mind and stay

We never did too much talkin' anyway

So don't think twice, it's all right



It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal

Like you never did before

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal

I can't hear you any more

I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road

I once loved a woman, a child I'm told

I give her my heart but she wanted my soul

But don't think twice, it's all right



I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe

Where I'm bound, I can't tell

But goodbye's too good a word, gal

So I'll just say fare thee well

I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind

You could have done better but I don't mind

You just kinda wasted my precious time

But don't think twice, it's all right

- Dylan

The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same...

Okay. Fuck. I'm such a fucking idiot.

Is there something that you do, a negative personality trait or an annoying nuance that people hate about you and as a consequence you hate about you? Well mine is going too far. And this side often prevails when the sobriety level of one such individual is not high...You can see where I'm going with this. When I'm sober, I can see where my line of thought is going and stop myself from going too far, but when I'm drunk, I can't.

I'm actually a very good drunk. I don't kiss, punch, fuck, or dump anyone i would regret in the morning. Sure, everyone does dumb shit, I'm the queen of that... but the reason i was dumped was because i was "too intense" and lately, me and the ex have been getting closer and I think i blew it last night, over a drunken message. It wasn't "I'm in love with you, baby" or even "Please, please lets get back together plese", it wasn't even "You're hot". Okay, so clearly it wasn't the worst case scenario, but it is still shit.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. I'm just over my shit to tell you the truth. seriously i look around and I have shit EVERYWHERE. My room is messy, my hair is horrible, my fitness level is bad bad bad, and i have done little to no schoolwork.


TIME FOR A CHANGE.
peace x x x

how can we start, to tackle the problem? If you dont put your hand up

So, Its a glarey thursday afternoon here in Sydney, school holidays are in and, in Lily Allen's words, Everyone's at it. Today, I went for a 15 minute powerwalk...pathetic i know... I just can't get the up and go to go for longer if you know what i mean?

Purpose of this blog
Its sort of a vent, for me...like an anonymous diary, describing my life and the annoyances and beauties and the stranglings within it.

music at the moment:
1. Papa vs Pretty: a great young Sydney band...check "Sleep (again)" out.
2. Lily Allen: her newish album "It's not me, it's you" if fucking brill. "Him", "Everyone's at it", and "22" are a few of the best tracks on it. Definately worth a listen.
3. Ke$ha: I'm kind of ashamed to say it, but you know what, fuck it! I love her song Tik Tok, It has every thing right about it. If you love pop or don't love pop but secretly do, this song is worth a play.
4. The Libertines: Obviously, they're a great band.. "Don't look back into the sun" is a personal favourite of mine.
5. Fergus Brown: My Modern history teacher!!
Yeah get behind him Sydney!



heaps of love, I'm off to enjoy Sydney Festival!
peace x x x

2010

New year, new blog..

I'm not going to pretend just adding another digit to last year will make this year any better on its own. I'm going to make it better, myself.

2010 New Year's Resolutions
- Get my L's
- Get extremely fit
- Be more Buddhist
- Throw out things I don't need
- Be nicer
- Stick with everything I commit to, and put effort in as well.
- Dance more, act more.
- Read a book a week.
- Pass and kill my HSC.
- Be a good person
(- grow my hair)

peace